Heh, Dear Fucking Diary
by Guest262626
Summary: Tobi's being a bad boy and reading all his fellow member's diaries, so they all team up on him and read his diary outloud, only to find suprising results... May include Akatsuki Crack/Yaoi! SPOILERS
1. Flies and Spiders

Heh, Dear Fucking Diary – Flies and Spiders

***I'm bored. And when I'm bored I write, so here you go! Disclaimer: None your base are being to us. None Akatsuki belong to us. XD***

_"TOBI~!"_

_"TOBI~!"_

_"TOBI~!"_

_"TOBI~!"_

That was the first thing the masked man heard everyday. It was annoying how he was the only member to get yelled at and scolded from their partner. Maybe Deidara-senpai was just depressed over Sasori-san's death? Who knows…

He got lectured at from his senpai just a while ago, and now he was expecting for his name to be called again, seeing as how he was being a naughty boy and eating the last of Kakuzu's cookies.

_"TOBI~!_ Come here, _NOW!"_ Pein called from the invisible loud speakers. The boy winced at the shrieking of the mic and made his way to the office with his head down. "Yes, Leader-sama?" he asked, trying not to make eye-contact through his orange mask.

Nagato was sitting in his spinny-chair with his legs crossed and hands folded on top of the wooden rectangle desk. On his right was the blue-haired Konan who was texting on her iPhone 4 while trying to eavesdrop into Pein and Tobi's talk. The room was dimmed, and the only light came from the day breaking window at the corner of the small office, and next to it, a door which led into his and Konan's shared room.

"It's been hot and smelly here for the last few minutes and Kakuzu told me his Gas Cookies were gone. Konan here had her paper spot you near the pantry eating what looked like one of his cookies. DID YOU TAKE THEM?!" He replied without emotion as he always did, and got creepier near the ending of his last sentence.

Tobi knew he was caught. Stuck like a fly on a spider web. But then again, flies can always get freed. All they needed was a little help, and Tobi knew the _perfect_ helper.

"Deidara-senpai must've done it! Tobi was having fun with Zetsu-san this whole day and when I _did_ see Senpai today, he offered Tobi some cookies! He looked just like Tobi!" he chirped. Konan and Pein looked at each other. "A Transformation Jutsu? That's not possible, my paper could easily see through simple things like _that_!" Konan protested. Man, if she messed up her job, Pein was gonna make tonight have more pain then pleasure… If you know what I mean.

"It might be true," he replied, his purple eyes gazing towards the woman who was clutching the poor apple device so hard, it would've broke. "Deidara _is_ handling Jutsu more easily and powerful now, so your paper _could've_ somehow mistaken him for Tobi." Konan shook her head, "Y-yea…"

He turned back to the pumpkin, "Tobi, go get your Senpai to come here for a moment. I need to speak to him." The boy nodded fast and saluted his leader. "Sir, yes, Sir!" and ran out the room.

"Deidara-senpai~! You're in trouble!" he sung as he skipped down the hall and stopped at the door to the blonde's bedroom.

The terrorist was in his PJs, a white wife beater with Mario themed furry pants. His hair was all tied together in a ponytail with his bangs covering his left eye. His scope laid on the drawer next to the bed he was laying down on next to a yellow lamp which emitted a soft glow onto the bomber's cheek. He was writing in a pale blue book with a violet ribbon attached to it which looked like one of Sasori's string material he used on his puppets.

The bomber was SO wrapped up in whatever he was doing that Tobi had to go right up to his ear and yell, "SENPAI~! LEADER~!" The blonde jumped a bit and smacked Tobi on the side of his head. "Tobi, un! At least _knock_ before you come in! I could be _changing_ or something, un!" Tobi giggled, "Is that because you're a GURL, Senpai?" "Hmph!"

He shooed the masked man out and changed, placing the book back into its hiding spot at the same time. What he _didn't_ know though, was that Tobi was using his Sharingan to watch where the pale blue book was hidden. He ran outside the room and down the hall, leaving Tobi outside his bedroom door.

The orange loli laughed evilly as he pulled the book out from the bomber's underwear drawer, and placed it on Sasori's old desk he used to use for puppets.

Opening to the first page, he read outloud to himself:

_Deidara's Diary…_

***Nice beginning, huh? I liked it! :P Reviews are welcomed!***


	2. Hotish Dude

Heh, Dear Fucking Diary – Hot-ish Dude

***Disclaimer: Japanese people are awesome! They own Naruto! I'm not Japanese, so I own… This story! YAY~!***

_Monday_

_Hello, BangBang, this is your master, Deidara. Only GIRLS have diaries, and I'm NOT a girl, so you are my BangBang. I'm a terrorist who uses the ultimate way to fight—art. I live by myself. I gotta go now, there's some knocking at the door._

_~Deidara_

"BangBang?!" Tobi cracked up at his senpai's lousy excuse for a diary. Even _he_, goofball of the Akatsuki, would've named his diary something cooler—Like SilverFlame or ShadowWalker, but _BangBang_?! Oh, please!

_Tuesday_

_Dear, BangBang. Some stupid people from "Akatsuki" or whatever came and asked me to join their organization to "conquer the world" or whatever. First there was this big fat ugly dude, and then this… Hot-ish dude. He had long black hair tied into a ponytail, and had those red eyes. God, he looked prettier than I did, and older guys always try to hit on me, too! "Itachi" was his name, I think. I had to fight against him, but what I really wanted to do was impress him with my art, but he was too good and caught me in a Genjutsu. So now I'm here in this ugly ol' workshop with this Sasori guy. Oh, I gotta go. Leader-sama is calling us to the Statue of Liberty or whatever._

_~DeidaraTheArtistOfAwesome_

Hot-ish guy? "Ooh! I'm telling Itachi-san!" Tobi giggled to himself. Who ever knew that his senpai fancied the Uchiha?

"Tobi, are you still in here?" the bomber walked in to see the orange masked boy sitting with his legs crossed on the ground. "Yes, senpai?" He hid the book in the inside pocket of his cloak and stood up, hoping the blonde wouldn't see the bulge in his shirt. "Get out, un. I need to… Do some stuff," Deidara muttered glancing at his underwear drawer. "Alright, alright!"

Tobi skipped out of the room sringing the Smurf's theme song and hopped inside his and Zetsu's shared room. The cannibal was still in there chomping on the arm of a kunoichi from the mist. "Hi, Tobi. What are you doing?" Zetsu Shiro asked. The loli just ignored him and jumped onto his Star Wars themed twin sized bed. He opened the blue book and began reading again. Zetsu Kuro blinked… "Tobi? Tobi can _read_?!" he asked in shock. "Obviously." his other side muttered as he lifted up a finger and began munching on it.

_Wednesday_

_Dammit, BangBang! I almost got RAPED for heaven's sake! I got introduced to the rest of the Akatsuki and this albino dude thought I was a chick and decided to pinch my chest! He was shocked there wasn't anything there though, but I still blew him to hell. There was this other guy too. He looked like a… Fish? He was close to that Hot-ish dude though, which made me… Jealous. Then there was this pumpkin dude thingy that annoyed the hell out of me, a guy who sewed the Akatsuki cloaks, a venus flytrap thingy, a paper angel, and a bar of metal who turned out to be leader. Itachi-kun showed me how to use this hologram trick so now I don't have to be worried of Hidan groping me. The bathroom's open now, I have to go take a shower, write in you tomorrow, K?_

_~DeidaraTheAwesomeItachi&ArtLuver_

Tobi shook his head. Gosh, was his senpai obsessed with Itachi or WHAT? "Zetsu-san, am I annoying?" he asked, looking over to the plant man who was licking blood off his fingers. "Yes/No." both his sides answered at the same time. He just shrugged and looked back down at his book. At the bottom of the page was a perfect sketch of the Uchiha and the bomber kissing. His bangs covered his eyes while Itachi had his arms around the blonde's neck. "Ew…"

_Thursday_

_FUCK YOU BANGBANG! My life is OVER now! Danna had just come out of his shell a while ago, and let me tell you, that red head is HOT! Of course I wouldn't tell him that though, he would think me weird, but now I have a crush on TWO guys… I'm gay. Dammit, if I start seeing more and more people like this, sooner or later I'll fall for TOBI. I just don't get it, why is Tobi is even here in the first place? That guy is USELESS. He keeps on calling me "Senpai" even though his voice sounds like a 999 year old man, and believe me, I am NOT 999 years old!_

_~FuckingAwesomeBomberWhoPwnsT obi_

"What the fuck?!" Tobi screamed out loud (accidentally) in his Madara voice. "Tobi, shut up." Konan's voice came from behind the door. "Sorry, Konan-chan!"

_Friday_

_I had a wet dream last night about a Itachi-Sasori-Me three way. I was so embarrassed; Danna woke me up because I was moaning and wet the bed. He had no shirt on and that's when I found out he was a puppet. Oh well, he's hot either way, and that means that if we DO get married someday, he'll never get out of shape. Itachi would never get out of shape, he's just too cute to do so!_

_~FuckingSmexxyItachi/Sasori'sDeidei-chan_

***HAHAHA! That must be awkward for poor Tobi! Sorry if it wasn't how you wanted it to be, I was running out of ideas! T_T Review if you want to choose whose diary comes next!***


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